SWITZERLAND v Togo

As every fan knows, the best bit of the World Cup is the group stage. You can keep the sudden-death excitement of the second round. The group stage wins hands-down simply because you can watch three games a day; such classic ties as Iran v Angola, Tunisia v Saudi Arabia and… Switzerland v Togo.

So Monday was a sad day, the last three-match day of the World Cup before it gradually loses its grip on global dominance and hibernates for another 47 months. Fans could now only watch two games a day for the next week, and there would soon be days with just one game; and some with none at all!

But this year my disappointment was balanced by a large dollop of relief. I confess that my hectic schedule was taking it out of me. Racing from venue to venue while stressing about where I was going to watch the more obscure teams and whether I would get in at the more popular ones, while joining in the celebrations/dejection (delete as appropriate) and drinking was starting to take its toll. And I’d been harbouring a cold for almost the whole time (but, brave little soldier that I am, I didn’t tell you that, did I?)

For this year’s last 2.00 kick-off I was heading to the legendary/infamous former heavy metal venue below London’s only Swiss restaurant. I got there five minutes before kick-off, only to find the door to the basement firmly locked. And the man in the restaurant told me “It’s a private party…”

I prepared to implement Plan B which, for once, was just down the road at the Swiss church in Covent Garden. I was relieved when he added “… but you can go down.” My heart sank again when I got to the bottom of the stairs, to find three men gathered round a small TV.

So I checked around the corner and found a decent little crowd preparing for the action on a big screen, which was just as well, because one of my network of informants later told me that the crowd in the Swiss church was as tiny as those in most British churches on a Sunday.

I bought myself a bottle of Swiss Mountain and took my seat, in what looked like the inside of an Alpine barn (I know what I’m talking about, I’ve seen Heidi), with Christmas cake icing walls, dark wooden beams and the added bonuses of Swiss flags and scarves for the game.

And what the crowd lacked in size it made up for in sound, cheering loudly for Switzerland’s chances and shouting when Togo came close. And when Alexander Frei gave the Swiss the lead, a man swinging a huge bell added to the celebrations.

But Switzerland were not playing well and Togo were starting to create good chances, causing consternation amongst the crowd, who were clearly angry with their team’s performance.

I was frustrated too. The forbidden buffet that the private party were tucking into smelt delicious. And I had received a tip-off that there would be a Togo fan here, who I was hoping to quiz for a venue for their final group game, now almost definitely their last game of the tournament. But no-one in the crowd looked remotely Togolese. Apparently he couldn’t make it.

The second-half Swiss frustration was relieved briefly with laughter at Mark Lawrenson stating the bleeding obvious “Switzerland want one goal now, but Togo need two”, but, just like Brazil (not the compliment it usually is) the night before, there was audible consternation as Togo pushed Switzerland all the way, before Tranquillo Barnetta sparked celebration and massive bell-ringing with the goal that somehow put Switzerland top of the group.